Photo by Betsy Blankenbaker
This photo was taken last week in Bali at a full moon ceremony. I am on the left throwing my prayers into the fire; prayers that my pain can be transmuted and the truth of my Soul can emerge like a phoenix from the ashes. Although I am forever changed and will always have this loss as a piece of my DNA, I pray for lighter days. I know that is what he would want for me. And maybe the point of living on Earth is to find the divinity in everything and to live it; not just to think it and know it, but to experience it and live it. As we keep bringing the Divine into physical form we get to live it as well as show it for one another to see.
I write this tonight after a very difficult week. It's not getting any easier. It might even be getting harder. I was warned of this, but I don't think you really understand until you feel it. With my process seeming to get harder I ponder, perhaps the prayers I gave to the fire last week are actually working. Perhaps they are pulling up all that is in the way of feeling the light of the Divine so that it can be released. And as each feeling, each old mental pattern, each challenge and obstacle get pulled to the surface I have to look at them all in the eye, unfiltered.
I am learning again that we don't get to just let go blindly. We don't get to just wake up one day healed. Healing is a full time job and a lifetime process. If we really want to evolve and grow we have to feel it all. And it is by throwing ourselves into the flames of feeling everything that we get to rise from the ashes and fly into our new cycle of being.